by Dr. Karen Sherman www.drkarensherman.com Dr. Karen Sherman offers information to help couples deal with potential relationship difficulties. Sticks and Stones So you and your mate have had some squabbles, some spats, a skirmish or two along the way. You never really gave it a second thought. You knew you wouldn’t always agree on everything. But recently, you have noticed that the bickering is getting a little more frequent. You’ve even had a couple of screaming fights. These left you feeling awful and seemed to drain you of so much energy. The making up wasn’t half bad; but there are some doubts creeping into your mind as to whether this is normal or if it means that something is wrong with your relationship. After all, you’re in love, you’re happy - so, what’s wrong? The truth is that nothing is wrong with your relationship. In fact, fighting is a good thing. Research has demonstrated that one of the best predictors of a couple staying together is their ability to tolerate conflict. Generally, when a couple does not fight, it is because they do not feel safe enough with one another to do so. Cruel fighting can damage a relationship. Certainly, when fighting takes the form of abuse (physical or verbal), it is an indicator that the relationship needs help. This Timely Topic addresses itself more to the run-of-the-mill argument; though it, too, can take a toll. A few simple guidelines can help a couple argue with one another fairly and still maintain a respect for the relationship and for one another: Do not name call. Stay on the topic - do not bring up issues from the past that are not relevant to this argument. Try to talk about your own feelings and experiences rather than attacking your partner. Listen and try to understand your partner’s point of view though it is likely to be different from your own. This may be hard to do in the heat of an argument; so, wait till things have calmed down and try to discuss the issue again. Be aware and respectful that you are different people with different expectations and needs. Whatever differences you have regarding an issue is based more on varying styles and not because the other person doesn't love or care about you. Copyright © Dr. Karen Sherman www.karensherman.com